With today being Kyah's birthday, I was preparing for an emotional day. It hasn't been too bad. A little melancholy but I've found that my thoughts are more on Zayne.
He's in Ireland and without his usual support system at his easy disposal. He's also grieving the loss of his sister in such a different, but totally Zayne, way. We've messaged a few times and I feel like he's in good hands and doing as well as can be expected.
I've always had a good relationship with the kids. I've been a lucky stepmom in that regard. Over the years, our relationships have evolved and we've all grown and chanced but our relationships with each other has always been strong.
In the past several years, I've grown closer to Kyah and felt a separation between myself and Zayne. I have chooses to chalk that up to the fact that he's a boy, and is currently 20, and in college. He's figuring out his personal identity and that has to be established outside of the family dynamic and the parent-child relationship.
Kyah's death hasn't changed that or the dynamics in our relationship all that much except I find that I have a greater need to touch base with him more often and have him respond. He's all I've got left of my little family of three (me, Zayne, and Kyah) that used to be a family of four (including the kids' father). He is, without a doubt, my priority.
So as we mourn the first holiday since Kyah's passing, I focus on my son and his well-being. Today will always, to me, be Kyah's birthday and deserving of honor and remembrance. She's earned that. But those of us still in this life have to take care of each other as well.
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