Last talk

Dear Kyah:

One year ago today, at 8:11 pm, I talked to you for the very last time.  You were responding to my numerous calls, texts, emails, and messages expressing my concern over what was going on with you.  You had missed school and I couldn't get in touch with you.  I refused to call your father and Zayne had no clue.  I was worried and could only think of the worst - that you were back in Richard Young after another attempt on your life.

Our conversation was short so I, of course, now wish we'd spoken longer.  Did I tell you I love you?  I usually did but I cannot remember.

It's strange, all these firsts and lasts.  The last time I talked to you, the first Christmas without you.  We are coming up on the big first/last...the last day of your life and the first anniversary of your death.  I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it.  I know I'll cry some but have no clue if I'll be a total wreck or mostly composed.

They say it gets easier with time, and they are right.  But because it gets easier, it becomes harder, partially because you feel bad that it's getting easier.

I still miss you and will for the rest of my life.  I love you, and that is also something that will continue forever.