Friday, March 18, 2016
Thursday, March 17, 2016
The boy child
(The boy child isn't really a child anymore but he'll always be my child so he's stuck with that, among other, nicknames.)
With today being Kyah's birthday, I was preparing for an emotional day. It hasn't been too bad. A little melancholy but I've found that my thoughts are more on Zayne.
He's in Ireland and without his usual support system at his easy disposal. He's also grieving the loss of his sister in such a different, but totally Zayne, way. We've messaged a few times and I feel like he's in good hands and doing as well as can be expected.
I've always had a good relationship with the kids. I've been a lucky stepmom in that regard. Over the years, our relationships have evolved and we've all grown and chanced but our relationships with each other has always been strong.
In the past several years, I've grown closer to Kyah and felt a separation between myself and Zayne. I have chooses to chalk that up to the fact that he's a boy, and is currently 20, and in college. He's figuring out his personal identity and that has to be established outside of the family dynamic and the parent-child relationship.
Kyah's death hasn't changed that or the dynamics in our relationship all that much except I find that I have a greater need to touch base with him more often and have him respond. He's all I've got left of my little family of three (me, Zayne, and Kyah) that used to be a family of four (including the kids' father). He is, without a doubt, my priority.
So as we mourn the first holiday since Kyah's passing, I focus on my son and his well-being. Today will always, to me, be Kyah's birthday and deserving of honor and remembrance. She's earned that. But those of us still in this life have to take care of each other as well.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Home
Dear Kyah:
For the longest time, I considered your father to be my home. It didn't matter where I was physically as long as he was there. In time, my home became the three of you - you, your brother, and your father.
I'm not sure when it changed to home being just you and Zayne, but it did. I'm ashamed to admit it might have been before your father and I started having problems.
You and Zayne are my home.
But you're no longer here and my home is broken...again. Zayne is my home now. And we are rebuilding but it's never going to be the same without you.
I love you and I miss you oh so very much.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Baby panther and jaguar
You loved animals, all animals. You had some favorites and were slowly, to my dismay, becoming a cat person. Here's two cuties that would certainly make you squee.
Monday, March 7, 2016
Sunday, March 6, 2016
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