Tribute

On Kyah's 17th birthday - March 17, 2016 - I got a tattoo to honor her and pay tribute to her life.  Within hours of learning of her passing, I knew I would be getting a turtle tattoo with a shamrock to represent her always being with me and making her truly a part of me.  I love my tattoo and it is so fitting for Kyah.

Grief

Time makes no sense anymore

Eleven weeks and 50 minutes ago, I had my last contact with you via text message on Tuesday, January 12, 2016 at 8:29 pm. 

Eleven weeks, two days, one hour, and twenty-eight minutes ago, I had my last phone conversation with you on Sunday, January 10, 2016 at 8:11 pm. 

It was the last time I heard your voice. 

It was the last time you told me you loved me. 

It was the last time I told you I loved you. 

Eleven weeks seems like forever and it feels like that most days. Other days, I feel like hardly any time has passed and that eleven weeks really isn't that long. 

Eleven weeks and roughly two hours ago, you took your last breath and my world became smaller and darker. 

Ten weeks ago, life was okay. 

I miss you constantly. 

This seems fitting:

Silliness

Together forever

Although they weren't together when they took their last breaths, they were peacefully asleep with each other when the fire started.

Kyah and Oz...you are so missed. 

Carol's light

From Bone Sigh Arts:

carol's light

tears flowing,

face scrunched in pain,

i ask out loud 'what would she say now?'

the answer whispers inside me,

'i haven't left you. 

i'm in your heart.

feel me loving you.

that hasn't stopped.

listen for me when you need me -

and remember

i am part of you.'

placing my hand on my heart,

i closed my eyes

and felt her.

—terri st. cloud, bone sigh arts

Prom

Dear Kyah:

Today was your junior prom.  I wonder if you would have gone.  Would you have had a date?  Would you have gone with a group of friends?  What would you wear?

Maybe you would have said "screw the prom" and rebelled against the idea and hung out with friends.  Maybe you would have been sad because you didn't have a date and felt like you couldn't go.  Maybe you would have had an amazing date that you'd started seeing in January.

I hate the maybe.

If you were to have gone, I imagine your hair would have been a jumble of curls and a little poofy but still soft and flattering.  Your dress would have been that shade of purple-blue that you loved but could never quite find.  It would be shorter and a halter top-style.  You'd wear some cute strappy shoes but bring flip flops that would see much more wear than the shoes.  You'd have the time of your life and create a dozen or more new memories and inside jokes.

I'd take pictures and find myself cherishing one of you laughing at something silly I'd said just to get you to smile.  You'd look, in the picture, dorky and awkward but totally you.  You'd regain your composure and actually see how beautiful you look and, for a moment, you'd be speechless.  I'd tear up and you'd laugh again.

Happy prom, baby girl.